| haiku |
[Aug. 12th, 2008|10:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | random | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
what's with this pattern?
first five, then seven, then five...
what does it matter? |
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| quick |
[Jul. 13th, 2008|01:50 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rhapsody | ] |
i should update, but all i'll say for now is that this month marks a year i've been here in Albuquerque, and while i like it here in the high desert, i didn't realize i missed the sound of steady rain until tonight, as i sit here with the window open hearing it fall and fall and fall
i'm glad i came here!
( gratuitous pic of Francisco ) |
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| cautiously optimistic |
[Apr. 10th, 2008|11:44 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | radio (commercials, ugh!) | ] |
well, the Petroglyphs wanna hire me, they just need to run a prints check and a background check, GOD i hope it doesn't take too long, i'm DYIN t'get out there and back into work that's more ME
today was my second and final timed practice run for AFD's CPAT, and i was happy to do it in 9:45... last week for my first timed practice, i did it in 10:30, whereas you need 10:20 or less to pass (not to mention not failing at any point along the course)... so i'm relieved to know that i AM capable of passing this thing, all i need to do now is maintain my level through the day of the test, a little under two weeks from now, and then DON'T CHOKE!
DON'T CHOKE, DON'T CHOKE, DON'T FRICKEN CHOKE!!!
lol~
off to mail tax returns and also gifts for the family, some goin east, some goin west, some early, some late... heh heh |
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| one word: |
[Jan. 14th, 2008|10:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | del mccoury, "let an old racehorse run" | ] |
RIPSTIK |
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| a little late, but~ |
[Nov. 2nd, 2007|11:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
HaPpY HaLlOwEeN from my nephews, Noel and Francisco! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2007|11:16 pm] |
ok i was about to log off and decided i didn't wanna just log on, bitch, then log off, so instead i'll post a picture of my younger nephew b/c THAT makes me happy
( Francisco ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 28th, 2007|10:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
if i'm outdoors, on my feet, working with my hands, i'm happy
that's been the story of my life since about 2000
now these last two months i've been indoors, mostly on my ass, and handling money and customers...
I HATE IT
it's the first time in my thirty years that i'm doing customer service/retail/office/whatever... I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE... BECAUSE IT'S NOT FOR ME!!!
how did i get caught up in this? i naturally assumed with my background that i'd get a job in the yard, but they're short on office people (hence my six-days-a-week sixty hour work week!), so here i am...
i asked her to transfer me to the yard, but she said they really need office people right now
i keep trying to remind myself that it's decent pay, steady work, lotsa overtime, that it's only temporary...
i'll finish my EMT class, try to get my state license, then try to apply to the fire dept...
but if i don't get my license, and they still haven't transferred me to the yard, then i'm gonna havta get out, maybe go back to construction? i miss it but it was so unstable! but i can't stick with this bullshit...
or if i get my license, but don't get into the fire dept, then hopefully i can get hired as an EMT and try again next year for AFD?
or maybe i'll work for this local landscape construction company who's always lookin t'hire? but their pay sucks, i kinda like bein able to pay my bills with no worries...?
?!?!?
god i wish she'd put me in the yard, i could be happy with that
i fuckin hate this customer service bullshit, what a load of crap |
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| oh the irony |
[Sep. 28th, 2007|10:31 pm] |
so here i am, working at one of the biggest junkyards (i mean, AUTO RECYCLERS, haha) in Albuquerque, but i can't get the part *I* need: my fuel tank is leaking, i mean drip drip, like enough that if you stand still and watch and wait for it, you can watch it drip... i mean enough that if i park it overnight in one spot on blacktop, there's a puddle of gas under the tank in the morning, and the drips eat craters into the blacktop (since that shit dissolves in gas)
yup. sucks. anyone who knows me, particularly my buddy Dink and also Liz, knows that i've poured more time, energy, money, etc. into this truck than it's worth at this point... hell, many times more... obviously i have some bizarre emotional attachment to it...
it's been my rolling toolbox and garage, i've done a lotta sidework with it, i've moved a lotta friends with it, i've picked up a lotta hitchers and towed some friends with it, i've done some pretty pathetic donuts with it (in snow in the winter and in mud in the spring), i've just done a lotta shit with it where it's both been useful to me as well as helped me be useful to other people...
and it's been kinda neat t'work on, but maybe not so practical, and i think i'm finally at the point where i can say, it got me here all the way from buffalo, i've done a lotta work and a lotta miles with it (about 50k in 3 yrs), i think i can be happy for having had it these last few years and i can say now that enough's enough, time t'cut my losses...
b/c the tank is too rusted through to patch, and of all things, even though you can buy anything you can pull off of any of the vehicles in our yard (except for catalytic converters), the fuel tanks are more or less useless b/c the guys who drain in our yard don't bother siphoning out the gas, they just punch holes in the tanks and drain them real fast that way...
i've called more than 20 places around town, and no one has a used tank for this truck... and the new ones run 575-600 bucks
so i think i'll be getting a diff vehicle, more t'come on that as events unfold... |
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| i've got my work cut out for me! |
[Sep. 16th, 2007|11:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
i'm currently enrolled in an EMT class at the fire academy, b/c i wanna go out for the fire dept during open enrollment next year...
first off, things have really changed since i was an EMT and volunteer firefighter ten years ago! as Basics we're apparently gonna be trained to administer drugs, give injections, and "stick things down people's throats," as my instructor put it... ten years ago, those things were definitely off-limits to Basics, they were strictly reserved for Intermediates and Paramedics... i guess it just fits though, seeing as how they're training everyday people to use automatic defibrillators, and Paramedic certification is now equivalent to a two-year degree... it's amazing how technology advances...
yesterday a bunch of us from class attended an orientation to, and practice run-through of, the physical exam portion of the fire academy application process... it was pretty intense... i've DEFINITELY got my work cut out for me, i've got from now until january or february or so to train for it, and i think i'm gonna need all of it! but what was exciting and cool too was seeing that while it's no sure thing by ANY means, it's definitely do-able... like i stay active enough and know my body well enough that if i train hard enough, i'll have a chance, so that's exactly what i plan to do!
and if things don't work out, we'll see then... at this point, i think i'll have at least a few options... staying on at the junkyard (i get plenty hours there, about 50 a week, they're steady work with benefits), getting back into masonry (which i really miss, but this time holding out for better pay), or maybe working as an EMT and going out for the fire department again the next year (actually, i guess trying over and over again is an option in any case)
( a little about albuquerque, since i haven't described much yet: ) |
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| wow, it's been a year |
[Sep. 9th, 2007|11:50 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home in ABQ, NM | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | adventuresome | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "the way i are" timberland (spelling?) | ] |
been a long time since i've logged on here...
last year was my last year at A-State, lived my first semester on a farm and didn't have ready online access; next semester lived on dad's farm which was an hour commute so not only didn't have ready online access, but also had less time!
finished up school, and though i was busy, i wouldn't say i was always busy with things i wholeheartedly enjoyed... Bill's farm was cool, but i ended up movin out b/c he was kinda ignorant and nasty about queers, and besides bein frustrated with that, i was frustrated with myself for not feeling able to speak up about it (never came out to him, either as queer or trans) so moved to dad's farm, and except for the long commute, that was nice
school itself was school, which is to mean it mostly sucked, but i liked my maintenance job and i tutored on the side too which wasn't bad...
like i said, finished up school, had placed first in the state for masonry again so went back to kansas city this summer for nationals, and THIS TIME, placed third (last year i got 11th)
moved back home to Buffalo and the union couldn't keep me busy... so relocated here to Albuquerque NM
had been drawn to the desert SouthWest for long time now, just needed an excuse to make the move... thought i had that excuse when union told me they needed guys here... well long story short, that wasn't quite the case, not exactly, so started workin non-union (what else could i do?), but then was offered a job at a local junkyard for same pay but steadier work and more benefits, so i took it...
i had applied b/c i was there a lot and saw they were hiring... i was there a lot b/c i'd been workin on this lady's car, and i'm kinda proud to say that with the parts i had pulled from this junkyard, i was able to get her car runnin after she couldn't get it started for months, and between my labor and the salvaged parts as opposed to buyin them new, i saved her over a grand...
as much as i love doin masonry, workin my trowel and bein on my feet outside and workin with my hands all day, as much as i'm apparently decent at it, kinda makes me wonder if maybe my time and money would've been better spent if i'd gone t'school for cars instead of masonry! lol...
oh well... if nothing else, i keep learnin that as much as there is to learn out there, i'm handier than my upbringing would indicate, and that even though my interests are many and varied, i can choose to pursue as many of them as i can make time for, and that i might as well, cuz we only live once!
i hope to be back on here kinda more regularly again, next post i'll tell a little about what it's been like here these first two months... Albuquerque's pretty cool, both the physical place and the people...
seems i've got some catchin up to do with LJ friends, gotta read some and see how y'all are doin~ |
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| better |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|05:24 pm] |
cali was great, aileen and noel are so good for the soul! ditto goes for the bay area!
loren cameron was pretty interesting, i hope i get to see how his book turns out...
power exchange was wicked cool...
farm life with bill is nice, ornery old farts can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but mostly, the countryside really is paradise for me...
and school, finally, is good... god, i really do love masonry, bustin ass and gettin it done! i'm just a sick stupid fuck like that, i guess!
anyhow, hope everyone's doin OK! i don't get online much anymore (no service at the farm, and no time at school), but i try from time to time... thank you to anyone who read my last post and said something kinda comforting or encouraging, it means something, for real! and sorry i never did get in touch with you, Katie, but hope school and work are treating you OK (where exactly *is* your guy, btw? still away?)
later all! :^) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|08:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | wellsville | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | alright | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cranberries | ] |
i wanna say first that while i've been away from this for a while, i still try when i can to check on LJfriends' journals just to see how y'all are doin, and it's nice to be able to do that, i hope everyone's doin well...
me, i'm gonna go to a local clinic tommorrow to ask about mental health counseling... my life lately hasn't been any better or worse or slower or faster or less busy or more busy than usual... and yet all the same i hardly have the words for the ways i've been feeling lately, and alls i know is that ever since i stopped working and came to school, almost a year ago now, i've slowly been feeling more and more lost, just a little, and i figured it can't hurt to ask somebody who doesn't know me for maybe a little bit of advice or direction
and then it also just so happens that august 4th will mark five years ago that my mom came home to find herself locked out of the house, crawling in through the firebox to find a note from my brother saying he was sorry and that he loved us, calling out to no answer, climbing upstairs to find the door to his bedroom locked, breaking in and finding him already cold... J.C. was seventeen years old, while my nephew Noel was minus 20 days, so they never did get to meet each other...
when he left us, i was still legally Tina... now i'm Cris, Aileen's a mom, Noel will be turning five, Papa dyes his hair, Auntie Linda owns her apartment, Iris is married, Gina has a boyfriend, Lola-Po, Kuya Boy, and Uncle Leonsho have passed on, Lola's approaching ninety, and Mom still brings fresh flowers to the cemetery every week...
me, i'll be thirty next year, i keep busy as always, i work, i hang with the neighbors, i go through the motions, but i dunno, i'm just plain lost, for reasons kinda long and complicated to get into just yet...
it's raining, which to be honest, suits me just fine right now~
well, i won't be renewing my lease at the end of this month, b/c WildBill has offered to let me live with him for free if i just help with the farm chores... and as much as i guard my privacy and insist on my independence (to a fault, some would say!), i kinda think at this point that it'll be nice to live with other people for the coming year... |
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| hoodoo voodoo once again |
[May. 13th, 2006|08:25 pm] |
dirty secret: from time to time, i go to http://www.facade.com/ and get a free do-it-yourself tarot card reading... there, i said it! lol
moreover, when i'm not feeling lazy (but mostly, with this anyhow, i *am* lazy), i give myself a reading with a small deck i actually own...
okay, anyhow, now that that silly little-known-fact is out, i can say that for those of you who know anything about tarot (and i hardly know very much at all myself), in my life for some years now, the card The Fool comes up time and again for me...
when i'm feeling strong or positive, Fool energy is something i really understand, just saying FUCKIT and doing what feels right and going with my guts and trusting that what's supposed t'happen will...
but when i'm feeling down or doubtful, the uncertainty and risk inherent in that card touches a tired and fearful part of me, too...
sometimes i don't understand how the desire for comfort and stability on the one hand, and the need for true growth and change on the other, can ever exist in one person w/o confusing him senseless!
ps - what i REALLY want someday is to have my palms read, but by somebody i'd trust to actually have that kind of ability...
what an embarrassing post!!!!! :^P eh, fuckit! |
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